Greetings once again Earthmen!  Due to technical difficulties beyond even my control, Gazoom was inconceivably (does that word mean what I think it does?) unable to post his prognostications for the championship round.  Fear not, I am happily now back to confer upon you my calculations for the Super Bowl.  For the record, Gazoom went with both 'dogs to cover in the championship round (incineration awaits all who question my veracity), and after an up-and-down campaign, now stands at a respectable 167-148-11 on the season.  Nothing to blarf home about, but then, I'm not really a huge blarfer anyway.

The Big Game ought to be a good one, much better than the spread would suggest.  While point spreads may be disturbingly accurate on occasion, this is due more to randomness than anything else (aside from games that are actually fixed, of course).  Spreads are made not so much to predict an outcome as to predict what people think that outcome will be.  In fixing, er, setting a number for spreads, the idea is to get an equal number of folks betting on both sides of that number.  Bookies make their money on the vig, and can only lose if too many people bet on the right team.  Being folks who like money, bookies don't really like to gamble.  They know people, even humans, won't always be wrong, so they set it up to get an equal number of rubes, er, bettors on each side of the bet.  That said, the public perception is that the Patriots are far better than they actually are.  Also, that the Giants are somehow lucky just to have gotten this far. 

New England(-12) over NY Giants  (Over/Under 54)

First off, the Patriots are an excellent team; the best in years.  But they've accomplished their record in the diluted pools of free-agency, and haven't had to face all the great teams that roamed the NFL landscape throughout the 70's and the 80's, so it's unclear how they would match up with the all-time greats and their terrifying defenses.  Second, the Giants are NFC champs for a reason - you don't win three playoff games and 10 straight on the road by getting lucky in the NFL.  When these teams met just two months ago, the Giants were beating the Patriots up and down the field before finally letting Randy Moss run deep all alone.  Back in December, it took about two quarters for the Giants to realize they could even play with the Patriots, and that knowledge carried them through three playoff wins.  Now they walk into this game knowing they can win - right from the opening kick.  Keep in mind, in that game, New England was playing to protect its precious perfect season, and threw everything they had at the G-men, who played with heart despite having a perfectly good excuse to phone it in. 

Now they meet again, with history on the line.  Brady & the Pats are striving not only for the elusive perfect season, but with their fourth title in seven years, for a place among the greatest NFL dynasties.  Future Hall-of-Famers Seau and Strahan play in their second Super Bowls; both seeking their first titles to cap off storybook careers and both surely with well-rehearsed sack dances at the ready.  Then, there's young Eli Manning.  Peyton Pitchman's lil' brother has shrugged off his critics to precociously guide the troubled Giants to the promised land.  And with all these great individual stories, the facet of this drama that has gone almost overlooked is the continuance of the Boston-New York rivalry.  In bumping off the Pats, New York would not only play spoiler to their claim among the all-time elite, but they would also put the kibosh on what is shaping up to be an epic overall sports year for Beantown.  There's plenty here to get excited about, and you've likely got good reason to pick a side.

So what's gonna happen?  Twelve-point underdogs generally lose, and with both teams healthy and rested, it would seem as though all the motivation in the world won't help the G-men.  They are overmatched in almost every facet of the game, and go up against one of the great all-time coaches with two weeks to scheme.  But maybe they do have at least a puncher's chance.  They are on a serious roll, while Brady & Co. have looked surprisingly mortal of late.  New York just needs to find a way to hang around and have a chance in the fourth quarter to maybe get a little lucky and land some big blows.  Easier said than done.  Belichek  will likely unleash the offensive hounds early to try and keep New York from ever getting a chance to get brave.  Just surviving the first quarter offensive onslaught the Pats are likely to unveil will be challenging enough.  Think Mike Tyson in "Punchout" - if you let him land those big bombs early, it's all over   

But let's just say Eli & the Giants survive the early Super Bowl jitters, and playing on emotion and maybe a big special teams play or two, manage to get through the first quarter without being yet blown out.  Most important to their chances will be their ability to contain the Patriots' explosive attack. If they can't do that, it won't matter what they do on offense.  Keep a guy over the top of Moss, another on Welker in the flats, and force the Pats to run the ball.  Make 'em eat up clock, and hope for a sack or a mistake somewhere along the way.  The Giants' ace is their front four, who must continue to be disruptive, especially up the middle where Brady and his balky ankle will want to step up to throw. 

Offensively, the G-men clearly need to pound the running game at the older Patriots, which will eat up clock and set up the play-action to make things easier on Eli, who has got to avoid turnovers (not to mention pouting).  Plax will get all kinds of attention, so Toomer, also in his second Super Bowl for the Giants, must find a way to cure the dropsies which have ailed him of late.  Mix in a couple of key Steven Baker-esque third-down conversions to Boss and Smith, and the Giants should be able to move the ball - as long as Eli can stay cool under the bright lights and glare of hundreds of millions of worldwide viewers; not to mention the multiple looks that Belichek's defense is likely to show.       

Now just for fun, let's say the Giants do all of those things, and somehow keep it close late into the third quarter.  What then?  At that point, they then have to deal with the greatest clutch quarterback this side of Joe Montana, and the best, most complete coach since Vince Lombardi.  Good luck with all that.  In such a situation, look for Belichek to reach into a hidden, secret pouch in his hoodie where he keeps all his "special" plays that he cooks up in his laboratory late at night while all the humans are fast asleep.  And look for the guys who've been there before.  Guys like Kevin Faulk, who's a sort of Brian Westbrook-lite, and has made untold key plays over the years.  Rarely the featured guy, he just does whatever he's asked really, really well.  He could probably play linebacker if needed, and don't be surprised to see him involved on a trick play or even throw a pass.  Great teams like the Patriots love using so-called "gadget" plays.  Often disregarded as desperate calls with little chance of success, to well-prepared teams they are great opportunities to beat aggressive defenses while tearing their heart out as well.  The Pats ran the previously mythical triple-pass play to demoralize the Steelers, and the "Staten Island Ferry" play against the Jags was simply a thing of beauty.  Moss can also throw downfield, and we could even have a Troy Brown sighting. 

The Giants really have little to counter with in terms of big play ability other than a hobbled Plaxico Burress, and face a Patriots defense with more heroes than the Justice League.  Ultimately, unless someone knocks Brady out of the game (is Leonard Marshall still under contract?), the Patriots are simply too good to lose.  The Giants should keep it interesting, but they could play a basically flawless game and still lose by ten.  In the more likely event that they do make a few mistakes (careful on special teams, G-men!), this game could well be over before the fourth quarter even starts.  Mercury Morris and the rest of the '72 fish should check their cumberbunds, because their "brides" are not only in their neighborhood, but they've got their van in their driveway and Brady & Belichek are already in the kitchen cookin' up some Humble Pie.  Giants to cover - barely.  

And for the final edition of Gazoom's special plays:

Janet Jones Power Play : After starting off on fire, still a solid call at 12 of 19 on the year, Gazoom originally liked the under on this one, especially considering that only 12 of the 41 previous Super Bowls have exceeded 54 points.  But New England just might do that all by themselves.  So upon further review, take the over (54)

Olson Twins Double-Team Teaser:  Vexed like Ahab, now the wispy waifs are mine.  After being shaken early on, Bud Dry settles down and goes deep late to give Bud Light(pick-em) the win, and I may be thinking with the wrong oversized head, but I like the GoDaddy.com girl(+2) to un-cover.